When a Broken Love Life Becomes a Political Question

Details

• Interviewee: Bori
• Role: Community Member
• Community: Tamera
• Date: 2026-01-14
• Language: en

Summary

In this interview, the participant reflects on their transformative journey towards joining Tamera, a community dedicated to free love and political change. They recount how existential crises in both their personal love life and their political engagement led them to seek an alternative lifestyle in community. First introduced to Tamera through a chance encounter, they describe their initial impressions where a speech on political theory ignited their passion for collective transformation. The participant emphasizes the importance of truth, openness, and self-responsibility in navigating relationships within the community, and they underline the complexities of evolving community dynamics, particularly as family structures emerge.

Key quotes

I joined the project before Tamera existed. I joined it in 1987, when I was, I was 27 by then. And I was in my life, how to say, in two areas I was in an existential situation.

I went out of this talk with the thought, if I continue to work like this politically, I will end up innerly like them.

When I was a teenager, I made a vow innerly, I said, I will never leave a person that I love, and that made me having different relations...

The first speech I heard was held by Dieter Duhm... And the second speech was by Sabine Lichtenfels...

I had very quickly the feeling that I really, this will be, that this, that this is the project that I want to invest into.

I disappointed a lot of people, because they were counting on me... but, I, nevertheless, don’t regret this decision.

The forum is one of our technologies, our social technologies, how we communicate as a community.

Many of the younger generation became parents... and the whole education of children or being there for children as mother and father recreated the social structure of families, rather than community living together.

Transcript

**Sharon:** So, usually I start with, wait, how did you come to Tamera? So, what is the origin story? How you came to this project? How did you hear about it?
**Interviewee:** So, I joined the project before Tamera existed. I joined it in 1987, when I was, I was 27 by then. And I was in my life, how to say, in two areas I was in an existential situation. And one is the whole political area. I was politically engaged. I was fighting for gardens to be not built with houses so that the greens stay and so on. So, it was not, it was a local fight. It was not, I was not involved in global political movements or so.
But there was a key moment for me. And this was when we sat on a table with the people who wanted to build, and us as an initiative who said, it’s not good when you build. And I went out of this talk, and I went out of this talk with the thought, if I continue to work like this politically, I will end up innerly like them. And I will maybe work for the so-called good cause, but I will innerly also count my arguments, I will innerly see how many people can I have on my side. And I will always be also on the loser side, because the money sits with the others. So, it is a chance. So, this was really, this was striking for me, you know.
And this was one whole area where I was thinking, what does make, what political commitment and engagement makes sense and really works for a change that I can believe in. And not only small, small steps, no, but really bigger changes, this was a very important question to me, and still is.
And the other part was my whole love life, which was chaotic. I, when I was a teenager, I made a vow innerly, I said, I will never leave a person that I love, and that made me having different relations with different men. And to some of them, I could talk about it, to some of them, I couldn’t talk. And today, I know that I caused, with this practice, I caused a lot of harm also, because I did it alone, no, and I navigated, yeah, how can I say, with the best of my knowledge, but this was not a lot of knowledge that I had in this area.
**Sharon:** So, with some, they knew that you were going with other people, and some, they didn’t know?
**Interviewee:** Yeah, and so, I had a partner back then, with whom I often spoke about free sexuality and open relationship, and that, and so, so we were, we were in talks, we were very into this. And he made friends with a woman, you know, sort of, this is how, the story is when guidance comes in, no? He, he is in a public swimming place, he makes friends with a woman, and this woman tells him that she comes from a community with free sexuality, but she stepped out. And, and then, two or three days later, she calls him and says, I found another one, and they even work with love, we need to go and visit.
And then, we decided to go and visit. And so, this was my very first visit to the project, back in southern Germany then. And for me, it was like this, this sort of super match, because the first speech I heard was held by Dieter Duhm, and he was speaking about the political theory, so that a small group of people can have a relevant impact on the change of the whole. And this was like, wow, this is a possible way to think totally new in the political area. And the second, the second speech was by Sabine Lichtenfels, and she spoke about, you are allowed to have contact. And then I thought, wow, this is the pathway for my, my neck, for my other troubled area of my life.
And so, I had very quickly the feeling that I really, this will be, that this, that this is the project that I want to invest into. And then again, it was like, you know, doors open when you then make a decision I want, and then a contract that I had, a work contract, needed to be renewed. And so, I could say, no, I will not sign the second part, and so, so, it was, I was offered the way of exit. And also there, today, I would say, I caused a lot of harm the way I, I went, because I also couldn’t really explain it to people. What caught me so, that I, that I wouldn’t, wouldn’t think that my place where I lived, I also lived with people, that this cannot be, this cannot be the core of this global political movement, that I need to move on to another community. So, I couldn’t explain really well.
**Sharon:** You had mixed responses.
**Interviewee:** I, I had mixed, and I disappointed a lot of people, because they were counting on me, on their path, you know, in their teams, and so on. Yeah. But, I, nevertheless, don’t regret this decision. I would regret maybe how I did it, or how I manifested my change, but, never the decision itself.
**Sharon:** I wanted to ask some technical stuff about it. So, where were you in Germany this was happening?
**Interviewee:** In, the project was in southern Germany, and I lived in Switzerland.
**Sharon:** In Switzerland.
**Interviewee:** In Switzerland.
**Sharon:** Yes. And you grew up in?
**Interviewee:** Switzerland.
**Sharon:** Switzerland.
**Interviewee:** Yes.
**Sharon:** Okay. Cool. What kind of values guided you in these, like, early days into this community?
**Interviewee:** It was, I don’t think I had a set of values ready, but it was clear to me that I don’t want to participate in this society that I grew up in. It, um, I also made my choice of what I will study. And then I started prehistory, because this really is a niche, you know? You are a certain people in Switzerland, and they go and dig in the ground and research their ancestors’ lines. So, I thought this is a niche where I am not fully participating in the society, because I was, I mean, for me to discover that there is something like animal testing was a huge shock for me.
**Sharon:** Mm-hmm.
**Interviewee:** Mm-hmm. Um, I also knew that there is a lot of, um, lie around our way to be with sexuality. This I knew because I knew the sexual life of my family, and I knew how, how little they talked about it and how, how, how they did not say the truth. So, I, it, it just didn’t, I didn’t feel home in this society, and only now I discovered that there is a, there is a, a sentence, if you don’t feel right in this society, you are here in order to make it a new one. And I like this sentence a lot.
And I’m sorry because many people don’t feel home in this society, and the step, to step out also, it takes courage, you know, it, it, you have, you take a risk.
**Sharon:** Yeah, I know. How do you feel you had to grow, or what needed to change in you, or what did change in you, to order to thrive in this community?
**Interviewee:** I mean, the very first years were mainly about acceptance, accepting my, that it is allowed to show my sexuality, my sexual being. This was my main change, that I was in a field where this was, where this was accepted, where I could experiment, where I could say what I desire, whom I desire. And it was not bound to a moral, uh, set of rules. The only thing that was counting, uh, was truth, that you are truthful, and that you are, um, respectful, for sure.
**Sharon:** And what did you learn?
**Interviewee:** I mean, I learned that it is, uh, that every human being is in its, in his or her core also sexual, next to other stuff, but also sexual. And what, uh, how much harm is caused by saying no to this, to this truth, to this biological truth. And at the end, now, during, having studied a lot in this project, I also discovered the connection between suppression of sexuality and violence. Now, there is this beautiful sentence, violence is the eruption of blocked life energies. And when we block, sexuality is one of our strongest life energies. And when, when we culturally block it, personally and culturally, but culturally, as a system, block it, then, uh, we, as a system, create corners where we allow, where we allow those, uh, where we have to know that those life energies will burst out. And we will cause violence and, uh, destruction.
**Sharon:** I’m curious. If you studied prehistory, what did you think about Sabine’s approach?
**Interviewee:** Sabine. Oh, I had to. Oh, I had to.
**Sharon:** Right?
**Interviewee:** Yeah. I had, I had to, um, I had to do a lot of research in order to find the, the land. But this is anyway, like for me like this, in spirituality, I’m a, in a way, I’m a believer, yes. And I’m also a very scientific person. So you need to prove me something in order that I can really believe it sustainably, no?
**Sharon:** Yeah.
**Interviewee:** So, yeah.
**Sharon:** Were you interested in the feminist aspect of it?
**Interviewee:** I am, I was part of, involved in feminist groups, but not a lot. I never could really connect with their borders, with the borders that such groups also built against men. I never, it was an inner conflict, because I wanted to be with men, and I didn’t want to fight them. And this was a difficult, this was a difficult conflict for me. I couldn’t resolve it in myself.
**Sharon:** Yeah. Kind of amazing. Oh. And what you said before about your decision to never leave someone that you loved.
**Interviewee:** Mm-hmm.
**Sharon:** And how did that happen?
**Interviewee:** Why I made this decision? I don’t know, really. I just saw so many people divorcing. My parents also divorced. And I saw that it’s not because they don’t love each other anymore, but because they cannot be together anymore, because there is, yeah. I don’t know. I don’t remember this key moment. I only remember that I had this value after a while.
**Sharon:** That carried you.
**Interviewee:** Yeah, that carried me.
**Sharon:** And today, do you still feel like that, that you managed to do this?
**Interviewee:** I feel like that, but I know that there are points where I didn’t do it, so I, because I was not brave enough, or because I was avoiding some conflict.
**Sharon:** Yeah.
**Interviewee:** Yes.
**Sharon:** Yeah. How do you deal with conflicts here?
**Interviewee:** Here in Tamera, you mean? There are different approaches, of course, and one of them is sort of saying every conflict has a learning for yourself. So a very high spiritual bar is that you can observe how you innerly make things outerly happen, how you attract things, how you attract things, why do I have this conflict, why do I have this? So to have this learning consciousness, also with this learning consciousness goes also a self-responsibility, that I know there is nobody that I can blame, nobody can destroy my inner peace unless I let them. It’s also one of those very high sentences, no. But nevertheless, they are true. We have to admit they are true.
**Sharon:** Can you give an example of how you think we attract the conflict?
**Interviewee:** Wow, I’m blank. No, I don’t know. I don’t know. No, I don’t. It doesn’t come. It’s too hot. I don’t. I’m not inspired.
**Sharon:** Yeah.
**Interviewee:** But at the moment, I experience more that I receive support. And I take this as a sign that I’m sort of the path that my soul wants to be on. You know, when in the right moment, there comes the right person and you get the support you need. And so, this I experience at the moment. So how I, that I, with what I decided to take on the dog shelter, I started to attract support.
**Sharon:** Yeah.
**Interviewee:** So we attract something. Our decisions do something to the outer. Yeah. And this is one answer. And the other answer is for sure also to deal with it in the community, in the circle. And there our main tool is the forum. And also there we would not so much say the community is there in order to say, you are right and you are wrong. The community is more there in order to listen to both parts and to listen in a way that we can understand why this happened to this person. And then we listen to the other and understand why this happened to that person.
**Sharon:** Can you say just in a few words, what is the forum?
**Interviewee:** The forum is one of our technologies, our social technologies, how we communicate as a community. And in, it is like very simple in a way, you sit in a circle, you go when you want to share about yourself, you stand up, you go into the middle, you share what you want to share, and then you sit down. And then there is the possibility to give mirrors, to say, what did I see, what did I perceive? And the forum is led. This is maybe important to know that there is a forum’s leader and the cause of two people. And they lead the person in the middle towards, with the intention to bring out the truth and the highest possibility of this person.
**Sharon:** Can you give us an example of how the forum helped you overcome a big challenge that you were going for as a collective?
**Interviewee:** As a collective? As a collective, I can say in the founding years, in the whole, when we researched a lot in the areas of free sexuality, we wouldn’t have done it without forum. It wouldn’t have been possible. Because this new cultural approach lives from transparency. You have to know what your partner does. And you don’t tell this in one-on-one talks. You tell it to the community. And with this, you tell it into a much bigger space, where you don’t have to be cautious, or you don’t have—you can show yourself. And then you get mirrors. You don’t have to relate. You don’t have to think, oh, when I say now this, then he will think that. And you don’t have to go into this calculation. This is the relief of the communitarian, or what we would call the public space. Often people are scared, you know? When I tell it, they say, what? You speak in front of 30 people about your most intimate stuff? And then I say, yes, and you have to do it as well in order—in trust. This is very important that it is a circle of trust, in order to feel what a relief it is to be a public person with all what you are.
**Sharon:** And what did you want to know?
**Interviewee:** Ah, this—without Forum, we wouldn’t have been able to do the research around free love and free sexuality. So this was a constant help, a constant needed accompaniment for all the processes that we, of course, also went through.
**Sharon:** And how do you think that Tamera changed throughout time with this aspect of the free sexuality, or free love, I would say?
**Interviewee:** This is a very complex question. Yeah. And there is one movement that is in our community that the community fabric is not as close as it was. So we went apart from each other for different reasons, and I believe that at the moment we are trying to come together again, no? And through this, the whole field of free sexuality and free love is more difficult, more complicated, more causes, more conflicts. This is one thing.
And the other thing is that many of the younger generation became parents. And the whole education of children or being there for children as mother and father recreated the social structure of, rather, of families, then a community living together. And in our vision, we would always say, the family is a very important core, and it needs its embedment into the community. And this is a very delicate walk, no, to embed your family life into community. A very tender issue also. And so, because the community fabric is not there anymore, the family came, became much more dominant than it was in earlier times. And for this, then you have love couples that care for their children. And then to have in this system free love is really difficult. It’s really difficult.